assorted

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"hey... who doesn't wish they were more witty sometimes?!" this post will be a combination of excerpts from about 6 different documents that have come into existence since my last serious post. if this didn't happen. there would be so much, and it would be so long fucking winded you guys wouldn't be fucked reading it.

got freg's story read to me. really really enjoyed it. very evocative. hey WAIT! NAh man it was fully shit. (someone needs a reverse ego boost).


you should know about these sites:
www.erowid.org (the experiences vault is extremely good)
www.viceland.com (hardcore irony.. or maybe just hardcore)
http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/ (secrets sent in by anonymous people on aesthetically pleasing postcards)
www.crybloxsome.com (amazing literature written by amazing people)

wow i had a fucking insane holidays in my lost email i talked about the crazy rave i went to last friday night and how there was a guy there who was a mirror image of myself how i ate the lazer lights and how they tasted good. i was also going to tell you about how when i looked at my phone and whenever i pressed a button this huge bass beat went off in my head BOOM.

my mind felt half-paralysed yesterday, twas not a good feeling i tell you like a sort of stoic paralysis, like clenching one's teeth and staring into a bright computer screen surrounded by darkness that should feel warm but it's cold.

that reminds me off the loneliness i've been feeling recently
after the rave, the night after, actually, i was in my temporary
room at my grandparent's house and then an event happened. or maybe it didn't anyway suddenly (or at least that's how it is in my memory) i looked at my phone, scrolling through all the numbers i had, and felt an overpowering sense of loneliness and horror at the fact that i did not want to call any single person on that list and that none of them would have made me feel any better. this feeling combined with the song Heroin - The Velvet Underground caused me a fair amount of anguish. This anguish was not sharp though, but instead very mellow still being very overpowering. i crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling after making myself a playlist called 'goodnight sleepy head' which consisted of:

1. The Push (Far From Here) (The Electric Bath Treatment) - Paul Jackson & Steve Smith
2. Where do I begin - The chemical brothers
3. Four Hours in Washington - M.Ward
4. Heroin - The Velvet Underground
5. Space Oddity - David Bowie
6. Track 6 (maybe called I need your love so bad) unknown artist
7. Johnny You're Too Bad - Taj Mahal (one of my favourite songs EVER)
8. Walk on the Wild Side - Velvet Underground
9. Breathe Me (Fourtet Remix) - Sia (v. gooD)
10. Come to Nothing (Car Stereo wars)

so after slinking in to my bed and sitting there for a bit. i realised that i was the loneliest person on the earth. not a good feeling. i fell asleep to 'goodnight sleepy head'... when i woke up, it was 16 hours later. i felt almost the most happy i have in my life. i was at peace with evertything and i felt warm and fizzy. so happy.

met some cool people at the rave, some who i will see next time and get to know even more- some who's phone numbers i got off em. such a happy vibe. as they say 'don't diss it until you try it' . couldn't be more true.

i love the idea of doing random things and also rising up from the constrained society around us.
a few friends and i a few months ago went into a hotel just to explore and to get up onto the roof. we ended up getting into

the staff lifts and the doors opened and there was a girl mopping the floor "what the fuck are you doing here?!" she said, while laughing her head off estatically. then we quickly pressed the --->> <<--- button and went to floor 7 where we found bath robes. which we took and wore. even though it was my idea to take them my bastard friends wouldn't trade me my shit scratchy one for one of their warm ones.

that's it for now.

exciting things are pending.
like my drunk writings.
but i will leave you with this i asked every person i could if they'd ever heard of something like what i experienced. they said no.

in the first ten minutes of me starting to feel the effects of e (about 45 minutes after dropping is when the effects started) all "s" "sh" and "Zz" sounds sound completely electronic or synthesised. i tell you all it's a fucking cool thing. nite.

-3.07 am got to get up at 7:40 tomorrow to get to school.

ecstasy brings back memories that you thought you had forgotten forever. also suppressed memories. one *unbiased* says that one night of on ecstasy is equivalent to 3 months therapy as with all the barriers being broken down, much progress occurs.
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