non-ecstasy post ecstasy symptoms

there's nothing in this house that belongs to me.

i'm not really here.

the mundanity reeks of hate.

these scissors are getting blunt...
the scissors are getting rusty...

monotony is raping my mind... emptying it of everything...

what the fuck is going on...

how can it be my fault?

who am i? where am i?

who are these people surrounding me?
why has everything changed so much...
is it because things have changed too little?
where has ME gone?
i'm running automatic...

hold on... where the fuck am i heading and with what behind me?

no religion, no opinion, no interest, no knowledge, no feeling

no dreams recently...
none of note nor none recorded...

grandfather jack has gone back overseas for another
6 months. fuck.don't know why it's suddenly such a
big thing when over the lastfew years i've probably
seen him on average about every 6 months.i think
what changed was that i escaped from mum's feelings
about the issue, and made a strong connection with
him away from thatand realised what a dude he was.
plus being 'grown up' now meansit's easy to say.
i want to see you. rather than him not knowing
wtf is going on. 6 months... he's like 80....

salvador dali is scaring the shit out of me. just
d/l'd one thousand paintings of his, spanning his
whole career. pretty amazing stuff.