nikeassholescaeshitnightfootageandreawhatdecrepit

decrepit...

such an awesome painting...

listening to jack johnson - in between dreams.
i like that title a lot. sad music
jack johnson talks a lot about dreams.
at the moment i don't feel like i'm in between
dreams though it would be cool if i did...
better, anyway...

last night didn't didn't talk to Shoshanna or
Claire, cos claire wasn't at CAE, and shoshanna
just walked past.

last night i had a strange dream. i was in mexico.
i asked people in italian 'where is mexico' then,
supposedly, ( i found this out after reading my
dream entry in my diary), i punched some dude in
the face.we were going somewhere, and for a
reason, me and my 2 companions (male + my age)...

in 1 hour i will be meeting with Andrea again.
i have decided to assert myself and tell her that
it feels wrong to have a sexual relationship
without having any feelings for a person. i'm
not ready for it and i just don't think it's
good for me at the moment. i'm going to tell
her that i enjoyed that night, but afterwards
i started feeling really strange about it.

it's going to be fucking hard to do.. and i'll
feel like a nervous wreck, probably, but i
have to do it. And once again i'll make myself
look like i've got no balls. gotta clear my
conscience, mind, and stop being an asshole
to her. hope she doesn't work around it somehow?

honesty.
things are not the same as they used to be.
this wouldn't be a problem if things were just
different. -> but they're not.

reading aldous huxley's 'The Doors of Perception'.

"we live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude.
Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies - all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never experience themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes.

deep.

went up onto the roof with lawrence. the plan is now in action. watchout you polluters of the mind.

endfile.