can i really avoid that what is happening now will set a precedent
for what is going to happen after now?
future

the memory that i thought i might have created is the one
in which i was doing a thing similar to making the bed go up and down
when i breathe or spin around in a happy colour world (one colour only).

but this time i was streaming through just different stuff some strange lighted temple passageway.


the humans in this world are amazing

the human mass is on a scale so gigantic its mindblowing
it's insanely difficult to tap into and to make oneself seen within the glowing, nebulous structure.

i had a bath today. then a shower straight afterwards. One of the best things about ecstasy is the distinct change in experience. The worst thing is obviously the 'depression' i am suffering at the moment which is without a doubt real. Once source states that 'it takes 2 weeks for the effects of one pill to completely wear off' and i must say i wouldn't be surprised. The other important effect is the way it has made me remember things out of the blue. For example when having the shower at alex's place i remembered an amazing house that i was in in italy. It was sort of old, rather disorganised, quite dark and a bit dank, moodily lit, and with really awesome old-looking white and black tiles. i had a shower there and the whole place smelled of character. europe is amazing because it is so fucking different to everywhere else. sort of despairing a bit but it's all right. edith made the point that there is no point to taking drugs because one forgets almost everything. (which was actually my point; that one forgets everything), but i have changed my mind and have decided that one does remember quite a bit, and also that it still has its effect on your experience if you don't even remember it.

i hope Teagan has been found. she went missing and no-one could find her for ages

i feel like my mum wrecks my life sometimes, but at other times i totally empathise with her and get what's going on. last night i told her 'i wish you could just be more chilled out like me', she said 'i wish so too'. tripping out a bit at my grandparents place with a bit of dangly food hanging out of my mouth + something happening similar to the feeling of my eyes rolling back into my skull.

sort of deppressing to think that not lots of people are reading this i feel its stuff that is interesting to read.

tonight i was going to break into a golf club:

finances (cash register)
transport (golf buggies OMG)
intoxication (alcohol fridge)
and something else too (ALEX DON'T BE SHY HERE)
ah yes i already remembered
weaponry (golf clubs) would have been insane but has been postponed

i think my mum was listening in to my phone conversation last night (there's an example of her semi-ruining my life)

if i didn't already mention i am still feeling the effects of the ecstasy. weird shit, even typing is weird.