Wednesday, July 20, 2005

wow
randomnesss
spontaneity

spontaneity is the best thing ever it's a cause of many happy times and enduring friendships.

first thing - decided to go and see 2046

at 9:20
then i was like HEY
why don't i call alex to come
and it was thanks to robbie's spontaneity that he came go robbie.

anyway
up on the roof (top of nova) amazing panorama. perfectly geometric constellations of tiny orange and white streetlights. ominous flats look like they're hanging from the sky, washed in pale orange light, dark at the bottom.
jack wants to join jack's hungry
he goes up emergency staircases like me and my allies.
they both went on exchange together to germany. the roof is amazing. i feel in my element. i say what i mean, i mean what i say, i am what i say, and i say interesting stuff about travel, ALS, the night sky, etc. charismatic. she shouts into the void 'OH MY GOD LIFE IS AMAZING!!!'

we drink beer at percy's. a divorced couple abuse each other at opposite sides of the bar (each sitting with their new respective partner) while 'going to the chapel and we're gonna get married' plays melodically in the background. their bickering has a sort of playfulness to it though. then i realise that these people (the 7 who would have been excluded from the orgy- me,rob,jack,girl,hotbargirl) are heading nowhere. even the kind 50 year old one with the unplaceable foreign accent whose shop consisted of a bagful of lollies, mainly lollypops, and a few slices of ham. the girl with the red hat asked 'do you always suck on lollipops in bars?'.. they're in a fucking rut. they're not happy, and that one there looks like she was or is a prostitute/junkie. there is a disturbingly absent look in her eyes, that you only ever see in a woman's eyes. in twenty years they will be dead and have accomplished nothing.

THE housing commission flats
fucking.. weird like the whole place was going to collapse/
fucking about to keel over from coldness and sleep deprivation.
junkie in the lift - so absurd now i think about it. absurd and disturbing. i'm on my way down from the top, at the bottom of the walls (below the windows) there is a small space where you can stick your foot or your hand through and feel the gelid night air. i'm IN a twenty storey building and i can feel the night air. there are cracks in the walls. the conrete floor has a slight bounce to it... like at trampoline. or maybe that' just the whole building. i'm going to the bottom, the lift (there is one banana peel on the floor) inexplicably stops at floor no. 8. enter strange junkie woman. 'we goen uhp?' (strong aus. accent). 'down' i answer. 'oh good, that gives me time to get ready.'. strange woman bends down and starts doing something in her bag. she is sort of in front of me and i can see her ass- an on the side sort of perspective - is big. *ding*. 'seeya', 'bye luv'.

brilliance is everywhere if you look hard enough... here's some:

"Existentialism, as far as I understand it, says that, where human existence is concerned, form comes before function. Which should give you freedom. If you are all form and no function then you should be able to choose for yourself what to do with your form. He was saying something like: a pair of scissors has been specifically designed to cut paper, and therefore a good pair of scissors cuts paper. But a human has not been designed for any specific purpose. So it’s impossible to say what a ‘good’ human should be doing." crybloxm


endfile... (my aim for tonight is to write two things, something for crybloxm on the topic of staying insulated up cold until late, and an email to an important person.)

Monday, July 18, 2005

the strangest day

all those strange and wonderful things; thoughts, revelations, events, that i kept on putting off (telling people there were great things pending) have now officially exited my consciousness. tragedy.

to the topic of the strange day -> i walked out of my room earlier and i had no idea where, in time, i was. i went to school today, until about 12:00 too, but this fact felt so remote and distant i could hardly believe it to be true. I remembered as the day went on, i had little communication with friends, and my feeling of failure (not having completed vital homework during the day), my sense of duty and devotion to finishing a specific piece of work, and sense of impending doom all gradually faded into a semi- evangelion, semi- internet, semi-(but not much)pornographic consciousness. how comfortable. my words, sadly cannot describe the commingling of absurdity and surprise that i felt.

oh my jesus. murakami has been temporarily displaced. this is quite a serious dilemma actually, as that book was bringing me growth and satisfaction, along with happiness.

i am feeling a great attraction to *2046* and will most probably be seeing the 9.20 session of the film (if not 3.40) at cinema nova, lygon st. i love films. i love the darkness of the cinema, and the complex feelings that rush through me as i relate to the experiences i am seeing and take some part of what i am seeing with me. complexity.

i have decided. 'Cool mint' listerine is the most delicious thing on this planet. be warned though, it is made by paxil. i only found this out after securing my last stash, and will not be taking that shit again as it is immoral.

hmm.. waiting for an email can be sort of frustrating. exciting too though, as i anticipate an interesting reply.

this happened a few days ago->

i now completely know and completely understand
what having no seratonin means
its that euphoric feel as you are riding in the dark down the street on a bike (no drugs)
listening to music) with the wind rushing through your face no hands. that feeling as you raise your head high and roar into the sky in ecstasy u can't do that when you've got no seratonin.

no-one panic. it's temporary, i've already felt like i've got my seratonin back and i can feel euphoria again. geez.. chiilllout.

that's all for tonight-
go for it freg - send in that story to crybloxsome

Thursday, July 14, 2005

assorted


startfile...

"hey... who doesn't wish they were more witty sometimes?!" this post will be a combination of excerpts from about 6 different documents that have come into existence since my last serious post. if this didn't happen. there would be so much, and it would be so long fucking winded you guys wouldn't be fucked reading it.

got freg's story read to me. really really enjoyed it. very evocative. hey WAIT! NAh man it was fully shit. (someone needs a reverse ego boost).


you should know about these sites:
www.erowid.org (the experiences vault is extremely good)
www.viceland.com (hardcore irony.. or maybe just hardcore)
http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/ (secrets sent in by anonymous people on aesthetically pleasing postcards)
www.crybloxsome.com (amazing literature written by amazing people)

wow i had a fucking insane holidays in my lost email i talked about the crazy rave i went to last friday night and how there was a guy there who was a mirror image of myself how i ate the lazer lights and how they tasted good. i was also going to tell you about how when i looked at my phone and whenever i pressed a button this huge bass beat went off in my head BOOM.

my mind felt half-paralysed yesterday, twas not a good feeling i tell you like a sort of stoic paralysis, like clenching one's teeth and staring into a bright computer screen surrounded by darkness that should feel warm but it's cold.

that reminds me off the loneliness i've been feeling recently
after the rave, the night after, actually, i was in my temporary
room at my grandparent's house and then an event happened. or maybe it didn't anyway suddenly (or at least that's how it is in my memory) i looked at my phone, scrolling through all the numbers i had, and felt an overpowering sense of loneliness and horror at the fact that i did not want to call any single person on that list and that none of them would have made me feel any better. this feeling combined with the song Heroin - The Velvet Underground caused me a fair amount of anguish. This anguish was not sharp though, but instead very mellow still being very overpowering. i crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling after making myself a playlist called 'goodnight sleepy head' which consisted of:

1. The Push (Far From Here) (The Electric Bath Treatment) - Paul Jackson & Steve Smith
2. Where do I begin - The chemical brothers
3. Four Hours in Washington - M.Ward
4. Heroin - The Velvet Underground
5. Space Oddity - David Bowie
6. Track 6 (maybe called I need your love so bad) unknown artist
7. Johnny You're Too Bad - Taj Mahal (one of my favourite songs EVER)
8. Walk on the Wild Side - Velvet Underground
9. Breathe Me (Fourtet Remix) - Sia (v. gooD)
10. Come to Nothing (Car Stereo wars)

so after slinking in to my bed and sitting there for a bit. i realised that i was the loneliest person on the earth. not a good feeling. i fell asleep to 'goodnight sleepy head'... when i woke up, it was 16 hours later. i felt almost the most happy i have in my life. i was at peace with evertything and i felt warm and fizzy. so happy.

met some cool people at the rave, some who i will see next time and get to know even more- some who's phone numbers i got off em. such a happy vibe. as they say 'don't diss it until you try it' . couldn't be more true.

i love the idea of doing random things and also rising up from the constrained society around us.
a few friends and i a few months ago went into a hotel just to explore and to get up onto the roof. we ended up getting into

the staff lifts and the doors opened and there was a girl mopping the floor "what the fuck are you doing here?!" she said, while laughing her head off estatically. then we quickly pressed the --->> <<--- button and went to floor 7 where we found bath robes. which we took and wore. even though it was my idea to take them my bastard friends wouldn't trade me my shit scratchy one for one of their warm ones.

that's it for now.

exciting things are pending.
like my drunk writings.
but i will leave you with this i asked every person i could if they'd ever heard of something like what i experienced. they said no.

in the first ten minutes of me starting to feel the effects of e (about 45 minutes after dropping is when the effects started) all "s" "sh" and "Zz" sounds sound completely electronic or synthesised. i tell you all it's a fucking cool thing. nite.

-3.07 am got to get up at 7:40 tomorrow to get to school.

ecstasy brings back memories that you thought you had forgotten forever. also suppressed memories. one *unbiased* says that one night of on ecstasy is equivalent to 3 months therapy as with all the barriers being broken down, much progress occurs.
endfile...

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


keep LEFT hahah GET IT?!

yes, the reports have been confirmed, these are aliens from outer space.

FRWOARGH

i + drunk = kungfu master

woot cool grass

um

slow process

done

what can i say... photo post

Monday, July 04, 2005

could you find me would you kiss my eyes?

these are lyrics from van morrison - astral weeks.

i had a huge ride.. all the way from nova to max's place keeping pace with the tram.

such fucking immensity of broken threads/lines.

i am in here because i want to be by myself.
not to seek attention.
that's all.

hey john! if you read this i've been thinking of ytou and i want to come and stay at your house maybe tomorrow night. hope that's cool.
maybe you could even come and stay at my grandparent's house! that would be wicked. ...

'i'm going to be doing a whole lot of homework over the next week.'

'yeah me too...'

'yeah... i'm sure you will'

srcsm

the computer just showed me a full moon.